I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
