Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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