i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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