I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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