I love black thongs
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
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