theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
So much rum. So many feels.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
