I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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