College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
