Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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