guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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