Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
