I feel great
I just peed on a car
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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