i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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