guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
