So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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