YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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