I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
