Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
