I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
