you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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