Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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