Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
