I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
