if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Randomize
