Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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