Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
