Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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