And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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