oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
