I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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