so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
