i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
