Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
