Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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