I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You have to summon your inner elephant
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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