Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Randomize
