too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
