put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
