I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize