you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
