Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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