New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize