last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
