If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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