You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
