I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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