i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
