i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
