How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
