i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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