i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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