just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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