I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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