if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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