How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
