Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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