cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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