i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
