i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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