I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
