I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
