Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
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